I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
