how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
