I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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