....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
