wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
