Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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