college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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