guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
