you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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