i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
