I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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