I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
