Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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