i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
