Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
