so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
