It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i drank out of a bidet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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