I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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