How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
