boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
