Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
