dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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