Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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