you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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