His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm both gender and math confused
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
