i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
