just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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