and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
