I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Houston, we have a blender
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
