man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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