i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
