Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone signed my nipple.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
