what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
