My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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