she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
