just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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