apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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