I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
