I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
