Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to cum in my sink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
