Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
