Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
