My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
