I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
