so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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