the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
