Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
