this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
