i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
