Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
