made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
